Self Esteem

Self Esteem

I am a firm believer that, self esteem or the lack thereof is the beginning, end and acceptance of many kinds of evil(s). How else do we explain how a beautiful and sane person will accept nonsense from another person just like that?

Most self-esteem issues are deep rooted; stemming from the way most of us were raised, and how the first people we looked up to in life (parents) lived out their own lives. Most parents believe that, financially taking care of a child is all there is to raising healthy, and psychologically sane minds. I beg to differ. I choose to believe that, Most evil vices negatively affecting the world today have a correlation with how kids are being raised. How do you expect a child who grew up watching his dad abuse his mum (physically and verbally) to think as an adult? How do you expect a child who grew up seeing daddy come home drunk at 2am even though mummy said work ends at 6pm to think? what do you expect a woman whose upbringing was primarily centered around preparing her for marriage to teach her own daughter?  How do you expect a female who never learned what love is from her first love (her father) to know how deserving of love she is? What do you expect a woman who sits and celebrates her unrepentant cheating husband just to stay married to teach her daughters? I am not saying people don’t come out positive from negative situations, not at all. I'm only saying it is somewhat related.

Most ladies that continue to choose the wrong men and make very poor decisions in men do not like to, Some cant help it.  Some women live their lives constantly needing to be validated by men because, they do not know any better. It is a constant struggle. Some of them got only the opposite of love from their fathers, some of them have never been complemented by their parents. 

I know a lady; I will call her Caro for the sake of this article. Caro is a beautiful young woman in her late thirties. Caro has been married to her husband for close to 9 years without a child. Hell is a joke in comparison to what this woman has to deal with in the hands of her husband and in-laws. She sleeps in tears and wakes up in tears. Her husband not only impregnated an unknown woman, but he did it twice. He abuses this woman at the slightest opportunity. The day she suggested an IVF, he told her that, he will rather die than pay for something he could get for free elsewhere. He vehemently  refused to touch or care for his wife. He had sworn to frustrate her out of the marriage. I couldn’t help but feel sad for this lady as she wept, and explained her predicament to my aunt, while I listened on. 
Now the question is, why is she still in this marriage? I was still mustering this thought when my aunt asked the exact same question. “Caro time don reach for you to go back your papa house oh. Haba!” Caro went on to explain how she is still in love with this man who has continued to bring her hurt and more hurt. She said she was still hoping for a miracle. How do we explain this? Why does it have to be so? Parents please, while you invest so much in clothes, education etc. for your kids, do well to build their self esteem and self love. Teach them first what love is before the world does. Teach them that  they are okay by themselves thereby needing no validation from anyone. Fathers, you are your daughter’s first love, be there for her, love her, teach her how she should not be treated by another man. Keep your issues with her mom aside and love her. Please let us talk about it. Share your opinions and tips on how to handle self esteem issues and what role parents have to play.