“Love, then Submission”

 

""22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33""

A friend of mine sent me an interview of a couple that had been successfully married for 30 years. He said he was really inspired by the interview as it was immensely revealing. After inquisitively reading the interview, I called my fried to convey my point of view and we both agreed that there is a reason God (who is the creator of marriage), instructed wives to submit to their husbands and instructed husbands to love their wives as he loves the church. I am aware of how people have unapologetically tweaked and twitched this particular bible verse to suit all kinds of things I cannot begin to write today, but that is far from the point I am striving to make.

My point is, for so many reasons some of which I will state here, it is better for men to love their wives. I am not trying to say that a wife isn’t supposed to love her husband, no, but if she is submitting to you completely don’t worry. Why? Imagine that you are blind and the world is all dark to you and all you have on earth is your 13-year-old son who with the help of your cane directs and guides you everywhere. He leads you wherever you wish or have to go because you are blind. You may not necessarily enjoy that you are at the mercy of your son but what can you do? This is the way I see submission. For your wife to have submitted to you completely, she has built a sturdy kind of trust for you. For someone to trust you so much, there is a huge chance that she already loves you deeply. So you see? By the way, Ladies do not marry a man that you cannot trust for direction in life assuming you were blind.

It may take a woman longer to fall in love with you, but when she eventually does, her love endures long. Men on the other hand fall in and out of love faster.  If a man doesn’t love you, nothing you do will change that, and if a man decides to love a woman, even if there are a 100 Victoria secret models in the room his eyes will penetrate all of them like a ghost and focus only on the woman he loves. All her imperfections will become perfect in his eyes. Marriage comes with a lot of unavoidable challenges but we will all agree that a woman makes and builds the home; she takes a house and turns it into a home. It’s just like building a Lego, you only work with what you have, and if some pieces of the Lego are missing, you will not be able to come up with a complete structure even if you tried.

That is it, if she has peace and happiness she will invest it into the home she is building and what more will make a woman happier than knowing that the only man she loves, loves her even more? Except she is a witch, there will be less nagging, less misunderstandings, etc. because your love for her is enough. Most men are busy trying to understand a woman; I say forget that and LOVE HER. Love the hell out of her and watch her transform into her fullest potential. Personally I can spot a woman who is loved right merely by looking at her physically. There is this glow I just can’t explain, but she glows. Men on the other hand want to know that they are appreciated, they want peace, they want to know that you are in their corner come what may, and they will go above and beyond to make that woman happy. 

Some say it’s better for the woman to love the man more, but other than massaging his ego what else will the marriage benefit from that? Especially in a society like the one I come from where woman are drained emotionally until they have nothing left. What will her loving her husband more bring? The man is the head of the home, the main protector, provider, the one who found you and asked for your hand in marriage. The one who is the reason you left your family to build a new home with. So isn’t it natural that since he found you and loved you, swept you off your feet and made you start loving him eventually, should just continue to love you even more despite the fact that you eventually fall in love with him?

God is a wise God and he has never lied. He created marriage, he knows the dynamics of marriage better than any human, and just like a textbook he gave us the bible, which has all the necessary instructions on how to be successful in marriage. The choice is ours as to whether to follow it or not.

A slice of my heart lives in heaven

My Pom, my baby, my diva, my joy pill, my shooting star. You are a little slice of my heart and I am beyond thankful for the opportunity to be a part of your short but wonderful life. You were a one of a kind type of child. The kind who stole the show with her entrance. You were intelligent, witty, cheerful, loving to say the very least. Nothing about you was ordinary You were my profound yet painful gift from God.

I remember the days that everything looked dark to me (sad days) I would call you to stay with me and your little innocent self always cheered me up and gave me joy. You will jump on my tummy and I always kissed your face.

I remember how I always told you I wanted to eat you all up and you rolled your diva eyes at me asking me why? I told you it was because you were so delicious and darn cute.

I remember when you asked me “Aunty why are you always telling me you love me” I said because I don’t want you to ever forget. I hope you didn’t forget?

I remember when people will ask you “do you know you are a pretty

girl?” and you will nod in agreement with pride and confidence. I usually make them ask you “how do you know” you always said Aunty Sandra told me so.

I remember the excitement in your eyes whenever I walked into your class to pick you up from school. You would run and give me a very big hug, which always made my day, then proceed to tell me all about your day. You said hi to everyone as we made our way to the car.

The only framed picture I own is of you.  It sits right there in my room. Everyone who walks into my room talks about how cute you are.

I wish I had the opportunity to brace for this impact because my heart is broken into unfathomable pieces. Since your loss the volume of the world has been turned down, a lot has been muted to silence and clarity has come. I hear it will be better but it still is visceral as it’s ever been. Though death has hurt my heart and wrenched my soul, it can not take away the love we shared or memories we hold. I’m glad I told you how much I loved you at every opportunity I got, It won’t change baby, I still and would always love you.

For the very first time Rest in Peace my Angel. We miss you down here. Fly on!

Oh Grief

Grief!!! I knew it was a word but never knew I would one day experience it in its totality. The only time I came close to it was when I lost my paternal grandma but I was only 12. I remember it was hard then but it is harder now. The weight of grief is soul crushing, a place so dark I cannot really explain. It is physical, spiritual and psychological. It's a pain like no other, the kind that shakes your core.
It is physical because sometimes it feels like the heart is squeezing and pounding. The head aches like it will explode. The stomach twitches and rumbles from panic attacks. The eyes swollen and sore, even the throat aches. It is spiritual because it shakes your faith. You question your faith in yourself and in God. The psychological effect is something else. You want to feel better but you can't. Grief is terribly isolating, because no one else understands the feeling. Its unique to everyone like fingerprint.
It was 22nd September 2016. I was babysitting my godson and frying plantain when my phone rang. I initially didn't pick since I was busy then it rang again. This time it was followed by a message. “ call me back it is urgent" my heart sank. I made the call, which turned out to be the worst news of my life. After I heard the news the next 1-hour that followed is unexplainable. The smell of the burning plantain and crying baby knocked some sense into me and with a visibly shaky hand and racing heartbeat I turned off the gas and tried to calm down the baby.
At first it was denial, like No this is a dream I'm going to wake up. Then it was confusion, questioning myself and imagining all sorts before proper grief eventually set in. People tell you sorry but really sorry for what? "Take heart she is in a better place" really? A place better than her mothers arms? Oh Please! " God gives and God takes"? Oh don't even get me started with all the gibberish people tell a grieving person. Please if you ever visit a grieving person and you do not know what to say simply help out with chores, or just lend your shoulder for them to cry on. Spare them all that jibbers and facts they already know. If they want to cry please let them. Cry is a form of release.
Grief is a very hard journey to embark on and no; time doesn't make it any easier. There is nothing linear about grief, Everyday is harder and comes with its own challenges. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no time frame. A deep vacuum that nothing can fill has been created. Eating food makes no sense anymore and sleep is luxury. There is no easy way out but to take it one day at a time. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it and let the pain take its course.

Heart full of thanksgiving

Hello Lovies,

I know its been forever but truth be told I'm not the best at multi-tasking at all. I have been consumed with school work and completely ignored this blog. Good news is, I am ready now. :) let's do this....
So Thanksgiving is here again and I am thankful that I am alive and living through it. A few days back, I was sure there was no point setting aside a whole day and calling it "Thanksgiving Day". Let me not lie I secretly hate thanksgiving especially when family members are so far away.  I somehow stumbled upon a blogpost on a blog called "the life I live" and everything changed. I'll tell you why.

This blogpost is about a very beautiful and talented young country singer called Joey. This lady has a little daughter (1+) called indiana and a loving equally talented husband. They all live happily on a farm singing and serving God diligently.  The sad part is that, Joey may or may not live to see christmas, or her little Indiana grow up. Joey is battling end stage cancer and was recently moved to in-home hospice. This just doesn't seem right to me. How could the world loose such a beautiful, young and talented lady? How unfair can life be? I can not stop muttering this words to myself. Too many unanswered questions. Little Indiana will have to grow up without her mom (physically) because I know she will always be with her. I have followed Joey's story diligently and I feel so connected to the family even though I have never and may never meet them. Joey's faith and trust in God even through this very difficult time is admirable. I continue to pray for Joey that If it is the will if God, then so be it. Her legacy will be remembered for ever.

Joey's beautiful family

Its so easy for us to loose touch of what is actually important isn't it? we want so much that we sometimes forget to appreciate what we already have. You may think you have it bad but someone somewhere is fighting to just LIVE. It is true that we cannot question God because his ways are beyond and above our understanding or comprehension. We can only trust his wisdom and have faith that his will for us is of good and not of evil. I have learned from this beautiful woman to focus only on what is important as that is all that will matter in the end. That being said, today I count my blessings. I am thankful for God''s blessings upon my life. I am thankful that I am alive and healthy, I am thankful for my family, I am thankful for friends, I am thankful for the ability to love and be loved, I am thankful for food, water and shelter amongst many other uncountable things. click here to listen to Joey's beautiful voice. Ironically the song is titled "When I'm Gone". Happy Thanksgiving all.