Grief!!! I knew it
was a word but never knew I would one day experience it in its totality. The only time I came close to it was when I lost my paternal grandma but I was only 12. I remember it was hard then but it is harder now. The weight of grief is soul crushing, a place so dark I cannot really explain. It
is physical, spiritual and psychological. It's a pain like no other, the kind that
shakes your core.
It is physical because sometimes it feels like the heart is squeezing and pounding. The head aches like it will explode. The stomach twitches and rumbles from panic attacks. The eyes swollen and sore, even the throat aches. It is spiritual because it shakes your faith. You question your faith in yourself and in God. The psychological effect is something else. You want to feel better but you can't. Grief is terribly isolating, because no one else understands the feeling. Its unique to everyone like fingerprint.
It was 22nd September 2016. I was babysitting my godson and frying plantain when my phone rang. I initially didn't pick since I was busy then it rang again. This time it was followed by a message. “ call me back it is urgent" my heart sank. I made the call, which turned out to be the worst news of my life. After I heard the news the next 1-hour that followed is unexplainable. The smell of the burning plantain and crying baby knocked some sense into me and with a visibly shaky hand and racing heartbeat I turned off the gas and tried to calm down the baby.
At first it was denial, like No this is a dream I'm going to wake up. Then it was confusion, questioning myself and imagining all sorts before proper grief eventually set in. People tell you sorry but really sorry for what? "Take heart she is in a better place" really? A place better than her mothers arms? Oh Please! " God gives and God takes"? Oh don't even get me started with all the gibberish people tell a grieving person. Please if you ever visit a grieving person and you do not know what to say simply help out with chores, or just lend your shoulder for them to cry on. Spare them all that jibbers and facts they already know. If they want to cry please let them. Cry is a form of release.
Grief is a very hard journey to embark on and no; time doesn't make it any easier. There is nothing linear about grief, Everyday is harder and comes with its own challenges. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no time frame. A deep vacuum that nothing can fill has been created. Eating food makes no sense anymore and sleep is luxury. There is no easy way out but to take it one day at a time. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it and let the pain take its course.
It is physical because sometimes it feels like the heart is squeezing and pounding. The head aches like it will explode. The stomach twitches and rumbles from panic attacks. The eyes swollen and sore, even the throat aches. It is spiritual because it shakes your faith. You question your faith in yourself and in God. The psychological effect is something else. You want to feel better but you can't. Grief is terribly isolating, because no one else understands the feeling. Its unique to everyone like fingerprint.
It was 22nd September 2016. I was babysitting my godson and frying plantain when my phone rang. I initially didn't pick since I was busy then it rang again. This time it was followed by a message. “ call me back it is urgent" my heart sank. I made the call, which turned out to be the worst news of my life. After I heard the news the next 1-hour that followed is unexplainable. The smell of the burning plantain and crying baby knocked some sense into me and with a visibly shaky hand and racing heartbeat I turned off the gas and tried to calm down the baby.
At first it was denial, like No this is a dream I'm going to wake up. Then it was confusion, questioning myself and imagining all sorts before proper grief eventually set in. People tell you sorry but really sorry for what? "Take heart she is in a better place" really? A place better than her mothers arms? Oh Please! " God gives and God takes"? Oh don't even get me started with all the gibberish people tell a grieving person. Please if you ever visit a grieving person and you do not know what to say simply help out with chores, or just lend your shoulder for them to cry on. Spare them all that jibbers and facts they already know. If they want to cry please let them. Cry is a form of release.
Grief is a very hard journey to embark on and no; time doesn't make it any easier. There is nothing linear about grief, Everyday is harder and comes with its own challenges. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, no time frame. A deep vacuum that nothing can fill has been created. Eating food makes no sense anymore and sleep is luxury. There is no easy way out but to take it one day at a time. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it and let the pain take its course.
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